I'm missin you, and nobody knows it but me

"Billion words couldn't say just how I feel

A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still"

i think his song is much better than mine and sams....

"Song of the Life of the Dearly Imparted" by Gabriel

"Oh what a god-awful mood that I'm in;
I don't want to deal with any damned thing.
it's too late to stop me;
it's too late to talk;
it's too late to comfort me;
there's too many mocking me.

I don't wanna deal with tomorrow
and I know I can't deal with today,
and I don't wanna think
and I don't wanna breathe,
and I will not admit i'm afraid.

I just wanna leave but I know that I can't.
I wish I could run away;
I wish I could hide away;
I wish I could fly away
and while my own life away.

I wish I could get away;
I think I can get away;
I know how to get away;
I know I can get away
and then live my life my way;
and then live my life my way...

I don't wanna deal with tomorrow
and I know I can't deal with today,
and I don't wanna think
and I don't wanna breathe,
and I will not admit I'm afraid.

I'm totally stressed out
for the fourth time in life.
I don't wanna deal with this;
to hell with the strife;
and I really don't feel like I want more of life.

I don't wanna deal with tomorrow
and I know I can't deal with today,
and I don't wanna think
and I don't wanna breathe,
and I will not admit I'm afraid;
and I will not admit I'm afraid...

I will never admit I'm afraid;
no I'll never admit I'm afraid.

I wish that I knew
how to tell if it's true:
Am I really that fearless?
Am I truly tearless?

I think that I know what I didn't back then:
I know now that I am afraid."

oh the boys

gabes themesong:

bRoOkEy9387: he's gabe and hes super
KITGIE: He spends time defeating Lucifer
bRoOkEy9387: he couldnt be any cuter
KITGIE: And if we add that in I may have to puke...er
bRoOkEy9387: hes loves sam, he could never shoot her
KITGIE: But Brooke loves him more, so, whatever
bRoOkEy9387: no need to fret...er
KITGIE: the world is much better
bRoOkEy9387: with gabe as protector
KITGIE: The world's rector
bRoOkEy9387: he's perfecter
bRoOkEy9387: than john schuler
KITGIE: He holds the EAAE together
bRoOkEy9387: don't be a liar
KITGIE: Or he'll fry ya
bRoOkEy9387: cause god is higher
KITGIE: Ah! Super gabe is on fire!

john in a toga?

KITGIE: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG, I JUST HAD TO FATHOM SOMETHING I NEVER EVER WANT TO THINK OF AGAIN
KITGIE: JOHN (FROM A-TEAM) IN A TOGA
KITGIE: OMG, I'M GOING TO VOMIT
KITGIE: John + Toga = something I never want to think of
KITGIE: refined: John + Toga + Greydanus's stories of toga parties = NO

I ain't playin' around...

ahhhh two fantastic days in a row!! What could be better than college acceptance, saitos, luke, and friends? The only bad thing on my mind is that i leave in 7 months, and luke leaves in 5. Do you know how much that will suck? BLAHHHHHHH UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA BLAHHHHHH.

on a good note i gained 50$ of good luck money from my grandparents :) yay yay

i have work tomorrow and two things to finish, an enviro lab and a sociology essay. blah so bed for me

i miss you :(

Wow lol

B	Bold
R	Realistic
O	Odd
O	Outrageous
K	Kinky
E	Elitist
A	Astonishing
S	Strange
H	Handy
L	Luscious
E	Edgy
Y	Yummy

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

maybe all of my worrying has paid off. my hours on end of crying has actually paid off and im finally accepted to college. What could be better? First my ateam, i feel actually wanted and needed and useful there. Then today my parents made me look at 5 cause they knew somehow about the decision online and i looked. To my surprise this is what i found;

"Congratulations! The Office of Admission has approved your application to the University of Florida for 2005 FALL .

An official notification of admission and additional materials will be mailed to you soon.

On behalf of the Office of Admission, welcome to the Florida Gator family!"

Im in the gator family!!!! Im about to buy all of the clothes from the store online just to be like Daniel :) OMG, and my parents are buying me Saitos for dinner!!! Fucking Saitos, i never get Saitos! OMG! Im ecstatic and i finally don't have to worry at all!!! Thank gabe (god). Now i'll prolly be allowed out cause my parents love me for getting into college!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

good day?

my day was good...ateam always puts some sort of thrill in me. I got to meet my stalker boy Dan, that's his name. What's with the dan's these days, lol. J/K i love Daniel Stirling. Okay, so...this kid dan was so weird and outgoing and funny. Haha, mission accomplished. Then the competition happened and we did worse than last time, but still well and we are in second. Next week we go again, damn atlantic!!! That concluded my happy part of the day, i drove home and then got tom to wash my beautiful lexus that i adore, and then drove him to the mall and shopped for a bit with my Chelsea. Came home and ate dinner, and realized that i need to stop stressing myself.

No daniel, i will NOT wash your car. Thank you for asking though :)

Tomorrow is weekend, which is MUCH needed MUCH MUCH needed.

Make me smile, please!

Are you feeling smart today?

oui, mais...quelle est le probleme? ...

...I'm not sure exactly

Getting through tomorrow may be hard, but thursday will be a breeze thankfully. I miss my lukoooooooooooooo grr.

HKR i love you with all of my heart, don't think otherwize

so i ask, what's your biggest fear?

Fear....hmm right now my only fear deals with college acceptance.

Many things in my life are going well right now:

1. ATEAM is the most fun, i am a total nerd but i love it, im sorry. I like the competition, i like using my brain. I like being smart. I like being useful and in all 3 rounds along with the Queen nerd samantha, this is my one place to shine since i have no spotlight in anything else. I may sound selfish and dumb, but i like ateam a lot.

2. My warm shower made me happy, i read lexi's journal which always makes me ponder cause she is so understanding and optimistic, i like to follow her lead.

3. My friends are amazing right now. Dan's been a great friend recently. Forcing me to post (ASori12: and u need to post) And so has HC and my LEL, yeah, that's right HE'S MINE!!!!! ALL MINE!!!!

4. Work brings everything together and grounds me. Even thought Shatora and i do not get along some of the time, i'm glad we do. She has taught me a lot about doing something for others and not only myself. And to understand others less fortunate than me. To be there for each other, and now to start the stupid drama.

5. LYNDSEY MICHELLE BALDYGA IS ONLINE AGAIN OMG OMG OMG OMG WHAT HAS IT BEEN? 3 WEEKS? I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!

6. The real world/ road rules last episode is on, and that completes my list of happy things

One unhappy thing is that i had to buy a new Portrait book cause i lost my copy. blah

Rich-whaaaaa?

Whoa now, work is certainly the craziest ever. I can't take the drama anymore, STOP! This whole madness and fighting and stuff with Jeniffer needs to stop, i really like her, but the lying and cheating and stealing needs to go. I can't get yelled at for other peoples behavior anymore. First when i came to work i scraped my thumb on the wood trying to sign in. Then the most unusual but funny things occured, first katie tripped, then something amazingly funny happened and somehow something at work made a hole in my pants so we were all laughing hysterically to the point where we were gonna cry.

We: Lyndsey, KT, Shatora, I

Then i went to put another shirt on and Lyndsey called me a porn star for wearing a lacy pornstar tank top that is pink, it's so pretty but apparently im a porn star. Yesterday Jeniffer had her two lesbian friends there and was talking to them and they wanted to ask me out cause i was a fine white girl with a nice ass. Then today i learned that Garet Krane wanted to ask me out awhile ago. What is this world coming to?!?!

Also at work, after the hole in my pants and everything i was walking and hit my other thumb on the metal and then banged it on the coffee pot. Then i was helping a customer and put my hand on the top of one of the cabinet doors, and KT came by and pushed it to close it, and my middle finger got jammed on the top of the door below the countertop. I screamed KATIEEEEE a few times but she didn't realize until i yelled a lot in pain. It hurt so bad.

Oh another bad work thing was yesterday when lyn and i got in a fight over how much money we had to void and then correct. I, being the math genius, knew how much but lyndsey thought she could do it, so she dug a deep hole for herself and ended up with -.24 cents instead of 1.19$ and i told her stop lyndsey let me do it, but she got mad i interrupted her so she ran out, and then i fixed it. And then she got over being mad.

Then basically the other stressors in my life are college crap and scholarships which isn't too bad just annoying.

The only things keeping me sane are Luke, HC, and my friends. Keep doin what you're doin.

Now i must enjoy my Philly Cheese Steak

cause you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

Oh myyyyy

Hey guys, i'm the most tired i've been in awhile. Slept for like 12 hours and still a little drained, iono why. But i'm glad that this is a weekend. Next week there isn't much to look forward to in school besides the next round of ateam. So right now im waiting for that. The past two days have been extremely happy and amazing. Ateam, the fair, Luke. There's so many things that made me so happy. But now comes the part where i balance everything. I need to balance, friends, schoolwork, work, and you. I can do it. I have before.

I just don't want to lose you as a friend in the process.

I'm sorry to my friends who i maybe have neglected, or ignored in the past few days. I don't know what happened. Usually i care about everyone else and not myself. I'm sorry.

Right now im in the process of being really really lazy, and trying to get ready for work, and eating. Because that's what brooke does, eat eat eat. Today i get to see LynLyn for 7 hours and i'm excited cause we haven't hung out in a long time. And i love her so so so so so much.

I'm going now, enjoy life!

Whoa now

You Are 22 Years Old

22 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Ohhhhh goodness

Omg what an amazing, exciting, fantastic day. Ateam was quite a thrill. At first we felt out of place among Atlantic and others. And when dan and i went outside to get his phone i was harassed by these weird ugly boys, and dan enlightened me on his goal to have a skirt like mine. I <3 him. Then heather, dan, christine, and sam competed and did awesome. This weird girl next to me was talking about sam and how their team had to watch out for her and i was laughing under my breath. Then sam, christine, john, and i were competing for the next two rounds. After the second round we were in first place, so we came up with some things to pep us up like:

1) hitting on/ flirting with memeber of other teams to distract them...sam actually did
2) writing win at the top of our papers
3) telling everyone they were simiown'd
4) laughing and crying and "ohmmmm"-ing
5) sam and i holding hands in front of the camera, that will be on tv might i add

At the end of the whole day, i became the "new" jupiter math guy....cept palm beach central girl. Last year i was so intimidated by him, and this year i became him in spirit. We dominated beyond belief. So proud, tear. When we found out we had 215 freaking points we went crazy. And then to realize we beat the teams tied for second (one was atlantic) by 55 points was amazing. We're going to Disney guys!!!!!!! I can feel it.

Went to mcdonalds then back to school, skipped a lot of econ, then went to physics. After that i came home and then went to the fair which was great but i feel sick now. I'm going to lay down :)

happy for once....

i<3 Daniel SO SO SO MUCH

you don't know me like that....

[Boy you stay inside my mind ain't no denyin' that
And only you could do them things that got me comin' back
Gotta be the realest thing that I have ever felt
And I'll do wat I gotta do to keep you to myself cause...]

work was rather uneventful, besides learning that luke is gay, lol. ATeam practice was amazing, i was doing amazing. Wonderful! I think i got like 4 math questions each within 3 seconds, that surprises me. Besides all of that school was dumb, and besides having no time to do anything, i got everything done. Between 7 and 11 this is what i have done:

woke up, got ready, got dan, school, all 6 classes, home, changed for work, got dan, ateam, work, did calc hw, work, came home, showered, did PHYSICS homework, found outfit for ateam, found pics of HC for the yearbook ad, did chp 11 outline, and did my laws of life essay. I feel extremely accomplished. What is overcoming me? Someone needs to read my laws of life essay, i so got that shit done.

oh yeah i was also somehow told i owed my mom 70 dollars for cell phone bills because they were probably all from kyle, oh well. I told her no, and that she should change my phone plan cause its not my fault, so she did, and i dont owe 70 dollars.

tomorrow is a late start day which entails: petes place, school, work. Thursday: ateam ON TELEVISION!!!!!?!?!?!!??! OH SHIZA and then physics then FAIR OMG OMG OMG. Friday: makeup enviro test and then NOTHING, oh i mean, sims 2 with luke. Saturday: took katies hours 2-9 cause she works too much so ill prolly do something before and after that. Sunday: work prolly 2-6. SO SO much to do i need to relax. Right now, im going to sleep, without talking to anyone, to relax, and be calm, and peaceful :)

keep on keepin' on....

you love me but you don't know who i am...

'One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me'

don't let it go...

for once we are both feeling "good", this happiness is what i needed...

i need happiness

Spend some time with me, say that you'll be mine

You find me offensive? I find you offensive for finding me offensive...

"I say you're all just too god damn sensitive..."

Kind of...weary, fatigued, disturbed, irritated, and bored. I miss dominik, i want him to be here and give me a hug, and talk with that german-voice of his, it always made me smile and laugh. I want him to come and visit but i don't think he will. Hmmm. I think today i'm going to play some video games, let go, and act like a little kid. Little kids are carfree, i see them running around while i'm at work, this one girl has these rollerblade sneakers, and they are so cute. I wish i was like that. I remember in 5th grade with my friends, we pretended we had these little imaginary creatures and they had names, and our adventures with them were the only things that we worried about. Now it seems like everything has a consequence, and there is not right answer, decision, or choice. I'll live my life, for me, not you, not him, not her, not anyone. It's my life.

Yesterday was fun, went to cityplace and saw coach carter which was, for lack of a better word, payton. After we went for pizza, my favorite, and then walked around in the rain. Went to lukes and watched some movies and just relaxed. It was really nice actually. I really missed hanging out with them during that brief period of mental retardation that i went through.

I know last year mr.meyers said that we shouldn't listen to all of those nasty disorders that people ar diagnosed with, he told us not to diagnose ourselves, but this one makes sense:

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide.

..something to contemplate. Right now i'm living for the sole hope for a better year. This year will be amazing, i say so. I'm returning myself to the happy brooke, the one that e'erbody loves. This will be a slow process, but i can think of a few ways for it to happen, we'll see. This past weekend has actually been a great one, of revelations, epiphanies, friendship, understanding, confusion, and being there for others. I thoroughly (sp?) enjoyed this weekend. Except for last night when i couldn't sleep til 3:45, tossing and turning, nervous, my thoughts were uncontrollable, but i learned a lot about myself.

I want to go to an island, preferably during prom, with someone, on the beach, maybe playing the sims 2, enjoying the sunset, the beauty, the love, the tranquility. I think i'm going to plan this extravaganza.

"I can't believe i went and did this stupid shit again..."

today was fan-tastic. school was eh okay, everyone was gone. when i was leaving school i saw the DECA people running and laughing cause the rain was soaking them. plus i was soaked. i went home and grabbed a sweatshirt and the NHS money and went back to school, lol sam was wondering why i was so wet, LOOK OUTSIDE SWEETIE. lol then i went home and was talking to Daniel about his SECOND car accident in a week, which i feel really bad about cause it happened at school and he wasnt at fault. today was not a good day for him. well then heather came over and we went to lukes and then to thai thani and met sara and raf there and then pat and dan came to watch us eat and then we went to lukes. Everyone was having a good time and dan and i talked, which was fun, we rarely talk. We need to hang out more. Then we went to the bowling alley but didn't really want to stay so we left, rented little black book and heather luke david and i layed around and watched it, it was really cute, i almost fell asleep though! Pat is having a "social get-together" at his house and daniel must be a good boy, i was going to go and then decided...no. Tomorrow i get to sleep late, be lazy, and not worry about anything or anyone. My mind is free and there's many people to see and do this short short 3 day weekend. Next week is going to rock, monday off, tues school, wed late start, thurs ateam and then maybe fair, and then friday. TWO POINT FIVE FUCKING DAYS OF SCHOOL, that's half a week!

im going to sleep and then let the good times come as they may

damn

i just found out, in a terrible and painful way, that i am allergic to the only thing that makes me happy. i was eating a pear, enjoying myself, when i felt like i couldnt open my mouth. i had an allergic reaction to the stupid fucking pear. I'm sick of getting sick. First the throwing up thing, and now this. WTF

glorious day...

school was not so terrible. except lit, i rather despise that class. In atkins class i definitly laughed so hard i was crying, he is the funniest ever. Mr. Meyers came in to see him torturing Loraine and when he did he was like "i heard you are a slut" to mr atkins. Im sure there was more to it but it was one of the funniest things ive witnessed. After that physics came, which, i dont hate so much, because the people in it make it worthwhile, but still. Came home then went to the eye place and got my contacts, clear ones so ookey can show off her beautiful brown eyes, NOT. After that, came home then met TDB at the mall. I got this cute button down purple shirt, a yellow tank top from hollister, and these awesome jeans from hollister. I also got something for lynlyn which i think she may have already. Oh well. It was a grand time had by all. Oh and kyle called me so i got to speak to him today.

Tracy, no you cannot "take me", i am the winner, and that is all.
I love Daniel and his "manliness"
I love Hate Crew, even though atkins doesnt get the concept, and heather is our god

I think i'm going to go eat macaroni and chees, and i had chick-fil-a before, so yeah. Im one of those girls who says they are fat and really is. Dammit.

[edit] today in atkins class i was told that i have a laugh like a hiccuping rabbit. hmm, he tried to imitate me, he's so gay lol, he said he hates me but i know he loves me most!

humm

boredom overcomes me. im glad things are cool with the NHS gang now, or so i think... well yeah.

i'm going to say that i'm really glad that daniel is my friend, and that i met him when i moved here. He certainly knows how to be here for me when i need him, and even though some things weren't too good for us, this friendship makes me happy. Thanks for being there for me hun. Even the joking around makes me laugh in times when im sad. You're great (even though you say im fat).

Other than school and work nothing much is going on. I'm just tired and bored and confused and angry all at the same time. But along with those i am simultaneously happy. im weird, what can i say.

ASori12: ya..im really pointing a gun toward ur head
bRoOkEy9387: i know you are, stop
bRoOkEy9387: don't kill me
ASori12: will u even be missed?
bRoOkEy9387: i hope so
ASori12: by the gentlemen who pay hourly?

apparently im a hooker...

Everything is finally out in the open and talked about, good. done fretting over that. lol. We'll see what happens in the future. Besides the NHS drama, i am sick. Throwing up, gross, annoying, sick. Left work after an hour cause i couldn't stand, slept for three hours, and here i am not tired now. This sucks, maybe i won't go to school tomorrow. If i do go ill prolly help parrado first hour, do something gay second, calc is unfortunately calc, computer lab enviro, econ cannot be missed or i will be murdered and eaten, and physics is the gayest of them all. Im ready to kill it. Basically the only bad thing with missing school is the econ.

Everyone stop talking about everyone else. It's not nice. I do it but i'm stopping, i know how it feels.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SKUNKY LYN LYN THAT I LOVE SO MUCH!

I see you're insecure
I know there's hope for you

wow look at the time

Let me hear ya tell me one more time...

How does it feel?

Today was rather boring i dunno really. Went to Grandparents, came home, work, home again. My laptop is being gay and not wanting to work so yeah. My brother is trying to fix it and instead i am on his computer which is annoying. Im rather tired, drained, and unloved right now. Oh well. I just need someone here for me. Please?

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

Traditionally i would write an exciting and memorable journal entry, but not today. I'm feeling the worst i've felt all break, not mentally, but physically. I worked for 7 hours today which made me tired, lazy, and irate. But then i was called by me dear friends. I drove to binks picked up the four of them and then drove to davids, kyles/bretts, and dans. All in all it took around an hour and 15 minutes for the whole shpeel. Not only was i tired with my head pounding, but there were four teenage boys screaming at me. One may ask...brooke why did you do this? Well the answer is simple. Girls are better drivers than boys. Dan got in an accident two days ago, and kyle got in one today. So sad. So since neither had a car, david doesnt drive, and brett doesnt even have a permit, i was a loyal and wonderful friend. It wasn't too bad except for the wasted gas, but now i feel like throwing up. My head is so hot, and my body is achy. I may lie down and waste away into nothingness. Later days...

gahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Samantha Jeschonek, where are you when i need you. I am driving myself crazy over this book because it makes no sense i think i am going insane. psycho. loco. help me!

A little Portrait for ya..

"No escape. He had to confess, to speak out in words what he had done and thought, sin after sin. How? How?" Stephen Dedalus Part 3

GAH!

Sometimes the hardest things in life
Are the things we have to do
And even when we feel it's right
I never want to hurt you

I so sorry

Until later?

"I'm looking for time to find myself

With all of this madness in my life" Juliana Theory

avoiding me eh?

well now. this journal is being forcefully written, why am i writing? im not your slave boach! All i hear from the little voice in my ear is "brooke brooke brooke, brookey ookey you're the one, you make bath time lots of fun"...wow (in the kyle/john/dan/brett/david way) To clear things up "you's a ho" Anyway today was okay..like a 9.141592654 (6+ pi) on a scale of 7. Im pretty sure tomorrow is going to suck with work and all. GAH KILL ME NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

"Can't you see what you do to me baby?
You make me crazy you make me act like a maniac" eminem

"...I'm from new yorkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...
and you cant take shit for granted cause life is too short..." ja

Went to "hot yoga" with lynbo and loulou. They are pretty funny. The whole time we were there one of us would laugh and the other two would just bust out laughing, i think the guy eventually got angry with us. It was really amazing though. I think I would want to go often. Now that i have done that i think my next venture will be to the gym and workout for at least an hour today. But that is of course, after my shower right now. Man im gonna take like 82801034 showers today. Excellent. I have a gas station in my neighborhood and it costs 1.96$...hmm money is no object cause it is so close. LOL.

no day like today...

I can't think about the future right now, I can't think about next month, next week, or tomorrow, right now. I must live in the moment, see where my choices lead me, and adjust if needed. I'll see what happens in time, no surprises, just following my heart. School starts again in about a week, which sucks. This break was totally deserved and now it's almost over, gah. I still have to finish A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST... but it's so long and boring i can't believe mrs b wanted to torture us with it. Well i can believe it, but i dont like it.

"Tell me again (Tell me again, my baby),
That we'll be Lovers and Friends"

HAPPY NEW YEARS ALL!!! '05 gonna be great

"And it may seem kind of crazy but it's true
Everything is all about you, yeah"

This is oh so true. Today I went to Universal, both parks, crazy. Saw that shrek 4-d ride thing, and in the middle donkeys like "in the morning im making waffles!" The most random thing, and I thought of Kyle. He said it was his favorite line. How did i remember that??

Two, um...Three New Years Resolutions:
1) Become close with my friends again, i miss them so much
2) Stop getting so angry. Why am I always such an angry person?
3) Make you happy....er than you are now