You find me offensive? I find you offensive for finding me offensive...

"I say you're all just too god damn sensitive..."

Kind of...weary, fatigued, disturbed, irritated, and bored. I miss dominik, i want him to be here and give me a hug, and talk with that german-voice of his, it always made me smile and laugh. I want him to come and visit but i don't think he will. Hmmm. I think today i'm going to play some video games, let go, and act like a little kid. Little kids are carfree, i see them running around while i'm at work, this one girl has these rollerblade sneakers, and they are so cute. I wish i was like that. I remember in 5th grade with my friends, we pretended we had these little imaginary creatures and they had names, and our adventures with them were the only things that we worried about. Now it seems like everything has a consequence, and there is not right answer, decision, or choice. I'll live my life, for me, not you, not him, not her, not anyone. It's my life.

Yesterday was fun, went to cityplace and saw coach carter which was, for lack of a better word, payton. After we went for pizza, my favorite, and then walked around in the rain. Went to lukes and watched some movies and just relaxed. It was really nice actually. I really missed hanging out with them during that brief period of mental retardation that i went through.

I know last year mr.meyers said that we shouldn't listen to all of those nasty disorders that people ar diagnosed with, he told us not to diagnose ourselves, but this one makes sense:

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide.

..something to contemplate. Right now i'm living for the sole hope for a better year. This year will be amazing, i say so. I'm returning myself to the happy brooke, the one that e'erbody loves. This will be a slow process, but i can think of a few ways for it to happen, we'll see. This past weekend has actually been a great one, of revelations, epiphanies, friendship, understanding, confusion, and being there for others. I thoroughly (sp?) enjoyed this weekend. Except for last night when i couldn't sleep til 3:45, tossing and turning, nervous, my thoughts were uncontrollable, but i learned a lot about myself.

I want to go to an island, preferably during prom, with someone, on the beach, maybe playing the sims 2, enjoying the sunset, the beauty, the love, the tranquility. I think i'm going to plan this extravaganza.

"I can't believe i went and did this stupid shit again..."