Okay, so Diana's back and she's slightly less angered than she was last week. I just don't know what to do. She makes me feel like i'm this horrible person who wants to go through her stuff and steal things, and she's made it "quite clear" that if anything is touched in the room, even if it was not I that touched it, i would have charges pressed against me. So much for having a great year. I just want her to leave.

Plus brittanys mad at the boys too. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHY CAN'T EVERYONE GET ALONG?!?!?!!?

Hmm, all in all this was a great weekend. Last night sarah and i went to TGI fridays for a yummy meal, after looking for her car forever, and then rented two movies and then headed back to our room and then hung out with brian for awhile. It was good having the weekend with sarah cause we talked a lot in our search for her car and i feel like we don't really do that normally, we should more. Okay anyway after all that we watched amityville horror until we fell asleep. This morning we went shopping and bought some clothes, hangers, hair dye for me, and halloween candy. It was cool. When we got back we hung out then made some dinner after i dyed my hair and then we watched the interpreter. Basically when that was over john and liz came over and so did nick. We all hung out in my room doing random stuff until they all left. Then nick imed us to go for a walk. So me nick and sarah went walking for what was probably 2 miles or so and it was fun. I got Sarah in trouble with kyle cause i made her away message "out for a walk with my slutty roomate and nick" and he took that the wrong way. I feel completely horrible, but I don't know what to do. I'm just trying to be here for her. I hope she knows that. I guess i'm going to sit up with her until she's done talking to him and wants to sleep and then i'll pass out, i'm already really tired, but i'll wait in case she wants to talk. Then brittany is coming home tonight and she's really drunk, hopefully the 2 hour ride will sober her up and we won't have to take care of her tonight, i'm kind of too tired for that, but we'll see what happens.

Does anyone really like the cold? i love the cold, but i do wish sometimes that i had someone to come keep me warm and someone who wants to hang out with me all the time. It's kind of lonely.

ahh anyway, after i sleep we'll see how tomorrow goes, probably going to see nelsons kitty and homework all day. Peace.

I feel like no one cares anymore. I just screw everything up it seems like. I just want to do things right for once :(

I don't have much to say in here lately. I don't really care about the whole boys pranking us thing. I thought it was funny. Brittany and Diana are mad, and that really has nothing to do with me.

I sometimes wish that I had someone to cuddle with in this cold cold weather, but i know it's for the best if i didn't.

So family came and left, i love them so much and it's hard without them. I may pretend like i'm cool on my own up here, but i really really do need them. It was good having them here, plus all the presents :).

Besides that there was a few hours of me being sad, which quickly faded away. I'm learning to forgive people easier, and not hold a grudge. I'm learning people do not always mean everything that they say to you. I'm learning not only about other people, but about myself. Although i have grown up so much, there are still times when i revert into child mode, it's fun, it makes me laugh. I'm not only glad that I'm learning more about me, and how to deal with things, but Sarah has helped me a lot to not get so mad, and not care so much, and not take everything just how it appears. I've been laughing, loving, and learning so much more than ever. I've become more responsible too. Like those late nights when sarah and i have to wait up for brittany, find her and her car, and then take care of her while she's showering in her clothes. My new friends here are so much less drama prone then the old ones. There's NO girl fights. NONE. I have not fought with one girl over anything yet here, which means i'm growing and the people are amazing. Okay actually i fought with diana, but does she count as a girl??? Could she be bipolar? Yes i think so. I can deal with it i suppose...the times that shes nice are fun and we can all laugh together, but when she turns into godzilla....geez i can't take it. Hmmm what else is there to talk about. I've got 4 really great girl friends here. Sarah, brittany, lindsey, and caitlin. They are each awesome in their own way. The guy friends that I have: dan, luke, warner, dave, keith, brian, nelson, nick, and i guess mike counts. They are fun too, but they have more drama then the girls here, WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!

Last night i want to bring the boys food, and they asked where sarah was. I told them she was talking to kyle, which is usually where she is when shes not with me, ;) lol since we are lesbians, yeah right. Brian started going off on how he hates kyle so much for being mean to sarah, and he hates sarah for talking to kyle still. And i didn't understand where his hatred was coming from. Sarah has never really talked to brian about these things, he only knows that she talks to him and that normally shes happy, but sometimes sad over him. Brian i think, is the most protective of our neighbors, and would do anything to protect sarah and i, which is quite comforting. I just feel bad that the boys hate kyle, i dont think sarah likes that they jump to conclusions, and i dont really either. Yeah he might be mean to her sometimes, but i've been there before. When you're in love, or something like it, nothing matters but that person. Most of the time i wish that i could have that again, but another part of me loves not worrying about anything right now. Wow i sound so grown up, when something comes to me it ill be here. Im not going looking for anything like i normally do, and im not taking any random guy (mullet). I just want to make me happy more than anything, and i suppose im doing a pretty good job.

I have the most random thoughts ever...why? I don't know. The only place i can really think about them is here, cause most of the time im thinking, or doing other things. I love being in college, and always having someone to hang out with <----girl sitting right there, or boys right there ^. I love not being restricted, and being able to make my own decisions.

Okay, time to shower....go to blockbuster, watch saw, and then make quesadillas!!!!!!! WOOT

yay

Hey y'all (lol), i hope everyone's doing well. I finally feel like everything is falling into place. It's rather exciting! I have the greatest friends, and i'm meeting new ones everyday. I'm going to be working out whenever i can with brittany or caitlin. Girls nights are SOOOO fun. Boys are my friends right now. I'M DOING WELL IN MY CLASSES WITHOUT ANY EFFORT AT ALL! My family is coming this weekend which is fun, plus presents from them and my grandparents :) Sarah and I are going to see Elizabethtown saturday night. I've never felt so carefree. I'm not in a fight with anyone, thankfully. I just love life right now.

There's only one thing, i'm not sure if i'm right or not. But something is up with sarah. She's in a weird mood, keeping to herself. It's none of my business but i'm worried. I think all of her exams are taking a toll on her and i feel bad for trying to keep her from doing homework sometimes. I'm a bad influence :( I'll give her space and see what happens, i hope i didn't do anything to make her mad at me.

I'm going to go....straighten my hair, listen to music, dance, be crazy, and not do my calc homework. CAUSE I CAN! BEEEEEEEEOTCH

[I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake] ilovefalloutboywhodoesn't???

i think i'm going crazy. why am i so happy? why? why? I don't knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Mwah haha.

Okay so this weekend was nothing short of amazing. Friday sarah and i went to chikfila with brittany and then headed out to Orlando. We hung out with heather, went to this outdoor mall i forgot the name of and had panera bread and just hung out, then got really prettied up and went over to Keith's house. We met danny, beth, dj?, alyssa, rob, and maybe some other girl and keiths mommy. They were all really cool and that was fun. We also brought sophie with us and then hung out with her at her house a little. After that we went to club paris where maggie and holly? met us. It was so fun and too much to recap. Saturday we went to mall at millenia for a little and luke david and jaime met us there. We went and got ready for HHN and kt lyn garrett kelia met us. It was mucho fun. HHN was amazing we all loved it. Drove back today with sarah mcG...it was fun, i love that girl. We helped the boys bring their stuff back too, it was fun.

[I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood] 3DD

thats how i feel, that is all

AHHHHH SUCH A GREAT FEELING

Okay so maybe even though something bad happened this weekend, I can deal. And it doesn't bother me as much as it should. I mean yeah it sucks, but oh well. So things are back to normal now, life could not be better. Life is good, roomates are even better, neighbors are amazing, friends are great. I have not hated being here one day yet so far. I didn't think it was possible.

I'm so glad that sarah is such a great friend. She's always here for me, and tells me when i'm stupid and does things for me when i'm too shy to do them myself. We compliment each other well. I just hope she knows that. She's probably some part of the reason i'm not going crazy up here, her and brittany. I needed some good girl friends since i had none coming here in the first place.

ON A GOOD NOTE!!! my computer fixed itself, although i'd like to say i fixed it, it did.

ON A MORE GOOD NOTE!!! Most of this week is over, orlando is soon, everything is done except french test friday which i can deal with :)

gotta run, i'll write more later

Ahh great weekend

This weekend was so insane. I can't believe everything that happened did. I'm so glad my Kt lou got to party with me in gville. Gator Growl. UF vs Mississippi State. Eddy's Party. Warner in a trunk. This is why I LOVE UF!

hahahahha

i am coming to SEEE YOOOUUUU

NOVEMBER ELEVENTH!!!

hahahaha and right now i am randomly hyper and dancing my ass off and i cant stop tapping my foot its ridiculous i dont know why i am so wierd but i am

but i am coming to see you

and it is going to be hella fun

because i miss all my stupid college friends who left me

come and visit me bitches

heart

today was a good day :)

::edit:: followed by a not so good one

why is he so stupid?? he makes me just want to cry

I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel

[ When the moonlight
Hits your bright eyes I go blind
And maybe next time
I'll remember not to tell you something stupid like I'll never leave your side]

tonight is a fall out boy night

[my heart is on my sleeve
wear it like a bruise or blackeye
my badge, my witness
that means that i believed
every single lie you said]

[I can't wake up to these reminders of who I am:
A failure at everything... 18 going on extinct.
I know my place it's nowhere you should roam]

This isn't for you, this is for me

It is currently 10:16 AM. I mean, I know I should catch up on some sleep that i've been losing. You know those nights where you keep changing the way that you lay but no matter how hard you try, there is no way that you can fall asleep. I've had two of those nights, consecutively. Two nights where your body is so out of it's mind that it is so malicious and evil. It wants you to stay awake, because if you stay awake then you think. How crazy is that? Your body making you think. That just seems absurd, but it's how it feels. It feels wrong. It's not even a bad wrong. I don't know if there is a good wrong. A wrong that feels right? Hmm.

Last night after the whole keith-kyle thing occurred and after i talked to luke, it made me think. Guys are very protective. At times it can be amazing, when you need it. But other times, when it's out of place, it can suck. Like the boys-kyle thing. They don't know sarah or anything that happens between her and kyle, granted neither do i, but i know more than they do. He makes her happy, that is all that matters. I have no right to say anything to sarah about it unless she asks. The boys however take matters into their own hands. I feel bad that I didn't stop keith, because now look at what happened. It made me remember when i was going out with tom, and especially since luke brought it up. He was trying to make me feel bad telling me how i took too much crap. Well i don't see you in a year long relationship do i? How could you know? All of the bullshit that comes along with a relationship is worth it in the end. I'm proud of sarah for not listening to the boys on the subject matter of that one, and brittany too...because she's still with ahmed isn't she? I wasn't strong enough to think for myself, so i always ended up breaking up with tom, because of what other people said to me about his and my relationship. I'm growing past that though. I've known what I want. It hasn't changed. No matter how wrong or pointless it could be, i haven't changed. Sarah said something to me the other day. Something about seeing how long it takes. Waiting as long as you have to. I really didn't think I could. But i haven't faltered yet. Over a month is a long time alone, but it's worth it when you get what you want.

I could back down and pretend like I don't have the feelings that I do. But that's too hard for me. Much harder than doing what I need to. I've always pondered this question: What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying, is the reason you cried? Sarah and I talked last night, we were both sad. I told her that it was so ironic that she is sad because kyle is so far away, but brian being so close makes me sad. Is there a middle ground? Is there a way to solve this all? No I don't think so, you just have to fight it out til the end.

This is going to be a long year I can tell. A long, fun, scary, dangerous year. Can't wait.

[if only she knew what to do...
relax with you
and let myself get lost in your smile
well i could lose it all for awhile
oh my dear you know its true] O.A.R

<3
Brooke

[Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been] Relient K

I'm alone in the room, just like every other monday. But today I'm not tired enough to sleep. I have calculus homework that I still have to finish for tomorrow, but that's all i have left to do. Homework, and sit here. Sit here, and wait. Wait for you. [must I always be waiting waiting on you?]

As much as I may say that I hate being alone in this room, i do like it sometimes, on some days. Days like today. Last night for some unknown reason i got in a rather quiet, contemplative, not-sad-yet-pensive moods. Sarah may have noticed, frankly I don't know.

I miss tracy. I miss my tracy klein so much. It sucks that she is so far away that I can't help her with anything or see her. I'm just letting my best friend down. Why can't i be a good best friend?

Okay that was on my mind, it's bothering me. But there's still another biggy. I don't think about it so often, as often as most think. I only think about it when i'm alone, like now.

[Cause it's you and me, and all of the people with nothing to do nothing to prove. And it's you and me and all of the people. And I don't know why, I can't take my eyes off of you] good ole' lifehouse

GOD DAMMIT BROOKE. FOR ONCE DO SOMETHING RIGHT. YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

countdown to not being alone- tminus 3.5 hours

So fuckin' emo lol

I'm in that stage that i always dread so much. The thing is...I don't dread it this time. If you know me at all then you know that i'm never single. That I always have a boyfriend. That i'm always looked after. I'm never like this. And by never I mean...since march of junior year. It all went downhill from there. What was it? Tom, luke, kyle, tom, luke, tom, john, dan. Gosh doesn't that sound SO FUCKING HORRIBLE. I have a problem, and that problem is boys.

So what do you do when you have this problem....? I don't know. But I know that even after all of those times that i've said "I don't need boys", and then the next day i have a boyfriend,
I know i'm growing up. I've already eliminated mostly all of the drama in my life, and it feels quite good lol. I love having friends that are so amazing. I love sarah, brittany, and alyssa. I love the boys next door. I love lukey and dan when they don't gossip. I love the friends that don't go to UF that I don't see. I love being up until all hours of the morning talking with sarah or keith. They help a lot most of the time. I love having control of my life finally.

I must admit that I envy Sarah. She can look at any situation and not get mad. She can take all of this crap, and still laugh and smile. She doesn't yell, she doesn't get mad. How does she do it? I really don't know. I've already learned so much from her.

I'm never really sure of myself, ever. I can't ever decide what i want. I know myself so god damn well, yet i don't at the same time. I know my past, I know how i am now, and i don't want history to repeat itself. How long have I been boy-less? 38 days. Over one month. 38 wondorous, amazing, funny, happy, do-what-brooke-wants days. How long has it been since i've had this much time to myself? Too fucking long.

I can get used to this...

Peace. Love. xoxo Brooke

Whoa now...

BEST WEEKEND EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol most random, hilarious, amazing weekend...hmm what happened

Friday: slept after classes til 6? i think. Got ready for the night. Sarah and i went to verizon and then chik-fil-a for some dinner. We came back to the dorm room and found a million people in the boys room cause all of daves friends came up to visit. We met those people who were funny and drinking and then convinced mike keith and bucky to rent movies with us. We took them to KFC and then we rented gilmore girls, dave chappelle, love actually, and robots. We were supposed to watch chappelle but the boys never came back to our room, so sarah and i watched gilmore girls until they realized we were mad they didnt come back. They came back and we watched the chappelle thing and dave came over, he was rather drunk. He hit on sarah so we made him leave and then nick tim and nelson came over from murphree to hang out. Keith and bucky left and we hung out with those three until 330. Keith came back over and we talked with him until 530 then sarah and i had a sleepover.

Saturday: woke up at 330 just in time to watch the game with bucky keith and alyssa. The game sucked and didnt end until 730ish which made me mad. Sarah and i watched gilmore girls after that, keith and alyssa went to dinner for their anniversary. Bucky was alone in his room so i went over and watched his whole football tape from senior year, he's so cute. Brian by this time was getting rather drunk and brittany finally got home. We talked with her, brian was being a crazy drunk so we took him to taco bell. THAT WAS SO HILARIOUS!!! He sang to us, choked on his food, danced in the car, screamed out the window, party potatoes?, should i get her number?, oh baby you got what i need but you say he's just a friend (points to guy at another table), lmao brian you are so funny. After that he interrupted keith and alyssa's movie so we kept him in our room where tickle fights insued and i lost everytime. I think he also explored mine and sarahs rooms.

The whole weekend was hilarious, i almost peed in my pants, I love roomates and neighbors!