hahahaha

how do you want it? how does it feel?

rock you senseless...

no idea...that title is from the commercial i was watching. Why am i watching tv, lounging around in my pajamas? I slept until 2 today. This always happens when i'm up late talking online. I tried to talk for only a little while but that did not occur. Last night, for me, was soooooo great. Work, Dinner with family, Tom's, Lyndsey came, then went to poker night. I had a great time and that's all that matters. Making others happy is my second priority. But even the job of making myself happy has already been covered. Why? I don't know, but i won't question it. It's what I needed.

So I think tomorrow i'm going to busch gardens? why on new years eve i don't know. But hopefully I will be back in time to go do something with everyone. Hoprfully. Plus I cannot go on the camping trip, so Saturday i am stuck with work. But i will go to Tom's after and be merry. Right now I am going to find something to do. BLAH

whatever i hate the world

so...since everybody hates me i may go die

whoa now

seems like im going out with the parents for a little while. shopping, getting a hair cut, and then a movie. tonight prolly just chill around for a little while. relaxing dayyyyyyyy oh my. whatcha gonna do?

i think about it over and over again

Take Me Away...

Some RaNdOm avril lavigne songs, take it as you may:

"And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it

And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you..."





"I think there's something more, life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen?
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day"

where is all of the snow

You can stay tonight...

Tonight i went to see xmas lights with kyle. WOOOOO pretty lights. I like the blinking lights. I hate the big blow up thingies, i want to kill them almost as much as the kitties! MWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The night was nothing short of amazing. I will not let the other occurences of the night hinder the total happiness of the evening. It was a good Christmas. Jews don't have good Christmas'. Tomorrow will not be so fun except for the fact that i get to work with lynlyn and both armata brothers. im going to bed now. leave me be.

...And make everything alright

I'm falling down...

When i catch my breath...

Hello all, MERRY CHRISTMAS, It is winter break and i am enjoying my free time rather nicely. After school ended on Thursday I had work which i no like. Then work on Friday til 6 which was not pleasant either. Kyle came over to keep me company at night and we watch shrek and just laugh until we no want to watch anymore. I tried to play this footballgame on our new xbox but i was very very bad at it. Kyle and Jarett laughed at me. I so silly. I really like this sweater that katie got me. It is so comfortable and smells nice and it's turquoise. Everybody is chillin today since it is Christmas, i miss the NY snow on xmas and tomorrow i have work and then Napoleon Dynamite with the crewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww omg omg omg, i miss them so much. Right now im doing college stuff which sucks and i think that the SATNICKS are coming over today!! Haven't seen them since i went to NY this summer, Ava and i got along so well after not being friends for awhile and now i really look forward to seeing them. YAY.

...It's you i breathe

Break...

Time for break! Winter Break is on oh-so-wonderful time of the year. Besides work today and tomorrow i am hoping for some FUN to occur. The only things i have to accomplish over break are some college things, NHS scholarship, A portrait of the artist, and some enviro stuff. oh man, this sucks, I gonna go start my break off right.

Jittery, Timid, Cowardly, Shy, WEAK

"She said her name was paradise
That's what she said to me
She said paradise
That's what she said it would be..."

I just took the most amazing shower. I love the way my hair smells after a wonderful shower.

I am lazy. I should be studying. I should have been studying all day. But no, I am a lazy girl. Physics does not make me happy. Other things make me happy. Not physics, nope.

I just had pasta and meatballs. I no likey. Now i have a piece of fruit in my mouth. I have my pj's on. They are soooo comfy. I may resort to studying the 8 pages of enviro for a little while and watch some tv, relaxing comfortably in my bed. I am going to get offline for tonight, seeing as, tomorrow is in fact THE LAST DAY BEFORE BREAK! OMGGGGGG OMGGGGGG ::freaks out::

"I hate to hate a hater
In fact I hate to hate
Hatein' is hatein' you should never hate congratulate" hehehehehehe ;)

All i want for christmas is you...

I was singing that at the mall today when i went to get lunch. I sing along with the music everytime i work, i work tomorrow.

On christmas I want to see Christmas lights. I am going to since I was not chosen to celebrate that holiday. I am going to be mesmorized, I like that feeling.

Right! uh huh. Do what you want. I'm not angry like LynLyn thinks. Shes so silly.

Tonight will consist of studying a lot because I have physics and enviromental tomorrow. They will rape me. Not good

"Can't you see what you do to me baby?...

...You make me crazy, you make me act like a maniac." eminem

Today was okay. Just okay. Well, maybe a little better than okay. Not to the point where i want to cut my insides out, nor to the point where i'm jumping up and down with joy. You know how it is. It will be fixed, hopefully over break, more time, more money, more bitches, ho. Went to school, went to mall, went to toms, helped kyle with calc, and then luke came over.

Ways I am going to try not to stress out over this break:
1. Use Heather's stress things to hit people ;)
2. Do a little dance
3. Have a fun new years party with the crew
4. Chill with my gangstas
5. Make a little love
6. Work, which may add to the stress, so come visit me!
7. Do absolutely nothing, which makes me happy
8. Run, because it is about time that i stop with this fat nonsense
9. Get down tonight

hm that about sums it up. Yep yep. Where did all of my friends go? No clue. Plans for tonight? Watch wheel of fortune and jeopardy cause that's how i do. It will be fun, amazing, and enthralling. Just like me. I just had din din and now my mouth is all tingly from the spicy spicy food bah. Make it better...pweeze? Now i am lounging around in my stylish pj pants.

"You are the word I am looking for when I'm trying to describe how I feel inside
And the right one just won't come to my mind" - eminem

Good Day = Good Journal (I Win)

*This journal need not contain stupid, insufficient, menial portions of my life*

Well today was a milestone, actually. People have finally realized that I am the kind of person who does not function well under pressure. I kick and scream and cry. I make a fool out of myself when I am angry, or sad, or just annoyed. But at this exact moment, "slice of life" as mrs bretherick would say, I am especially relaxed and unbothered. Let it stay this way. Everyone should feel this way:

Happy- with all of my friends

Satisfied- with life

Jittery- like a little child, not knowing what to expect

Flirtatious- because i am, just not with the right people

Silly beyond words- have you heard me the past few days? that shall explain it

Dazzling- cause that's what i do

Adorable- however cute you say I am

Accomplished- with school and the future

I haven't felt happy in a really long time. I haven't felt extraordinary. I haven't felt pretty. I haven't felt ME. But I have found ME, more or less. With little help from friends. I did it myself. Finally something i have done on my own, and it feels amazing.

Even if i'm not the best, or the brightest. I am what i make of myself. I'm sorry if i offend you, i'm sorry if my actions cannot be backed by logical thought. My brain does not think that way at all. It do what I want, for myself, for my body, and for my heart.

"I am small and the world is big
All around me is fast moving
Surrounded by so many things
But suddenly, suddenly

How does it feel, to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel, to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel?

I'm young, and I am free
But I get tired, and I get weak
I get lost, and I can't sleep
But suddenly, suddenly..."

sorry :(

say what?

highlight of today....jackie running full speed into the locked door at work, falling backwards, and then giving me and katie the middle finger.

I Love Lexi, Douglas, not the car. She and I can have such awesome conversations about life, and what's going on, and how all of this relates to us. What we go through and all the happiness in life. She is such a great person and I love her for that. She makes me happy.

cut you?

well last night was productive, and relaxing. After luke left cause i was falling asleep and after all of the drama i got time for me :) I layed in bed around 930 with A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, watching home alone 2, with the light on, in my warm bed, not talking to anyone. And i FELL ASLEEP. I proceeded to wake up around 630? which happens to be the time i wake up whether we have school or not because i'm dumb, i even woke up at 630 on the late start day!

Well when i woke up i shut the light and the television and then went back to sleep and woke up at 10 after 12 amazing hours of sleep. Then when i woke up Daniel Lee asked me if he could have the gov't voacbulary, and me being the "nice person" that I am, copied them for him and then he came to get them. we talked for ahwile while Tom drew obscene pictures on my board again! What will we do with him? I made fun of Dan for a little, mostly cause he didn't want to wear clothes to my house? I'm scared. Well after Dan left, Thomas and I went to see Blade Trinity which happened to be veryyyyyy good. I liked the Van Wilder guy and the guy who was Dracula (blood icky).

Then I came home and changed and got all dressed for work, which happened to make me angry, I made smart ass comments the whole time which maybe i shouldn't have done. Whateva! lol i don't currrrrr. After everyone left it was lynlyn and I running around like crazy people and i thought we would die. So we called Andrew Bo-Bandrew who got mad at us cause we woke his ass up and made him come down to close. We have such fun that lyndsey was on the floor crying, cause of my MERRY-GO-ROUND!!!!!! omg i love it. It is amazing! you should try it.

As we were walking out of the mall, i get scared. I hate walking out by myself but lynlyn was there and this time two guys in a car were screaming at us, saying hi and that they were crying cause we didnt say hi. Then they screamed I HATE WHITE PEOPLE at us but i think they were white, I was so scared.

Now i am home, showered and all, so I am not a icky brookey.

ohhhh and today i got hanukkah presents, a skirt, sweater, and scarf, and a credit card thing with lots 'o money on it! Today was a good day, mostly.

hahahaha:
CRRRRAAAAAAZZZZY: i put santaclaus on my buddy list and hes online
I XBaLdEaGLeX I: so
I XBaLdEaGLeX I: hes a cool guy
I XBaLdEaGLeX I: are you scared?

Im here watching Full House heh heh...im like a little kid

Here's a little nelly for those of you who have a problem with him:

Come here boy
I got a little something for ya
(You got a little bit, can I get a little bit? yeah yeah)
And I don’t know
(I don't know what it is but I just want to get to know ya, alright alright..yeah yeah)

*edit* the night went by pretty well, i think kyle is getting me sick cause he is dying, poor little one...i hate getting sick. I want to go to sleep tonight but i will probably be on for a little while talking to people cause im bored :(

Quite Frankly...

"[Today] was horrible, i hope nothing like this ever happens again."

i'm sorry, i can't be perfect...

that about explains it all

congratulations to thomas for getting accepted to Stetson
congratulations to shamma for getting accepted to Johns Hopkins

la dee dah

school was pretty coy today...guidance luko left me, lit everyone left me, calc was chill, enviro was gay, gov't was so funny, and physics was sleepy. Today we found out A-Team practices will begin on Tuesday and i am excited, i'm such a freakin' dork, but i don't care. I do what i want. Sam is the captain and my hero, i love her, christine, heather, and everyone from last year will be, with the addition of a junior i believe :)

besides that stuff other things are okay, unbelievably, i haven't laughed so much in so long, thank you. My car is amazing, but needs to be washed, and my friends are incredible. There are minor controversies that need to be dealt with, in time. Right now i have work soon and i may go outside, lookin' hot, and wash lexi (not alexis douglas). First i will do my hair and then i will proceed to the other tasks. I wish people would call me instead of me calling everyone, surprises are fun and i am lazy.

My last topic will be about break which is soon and i will be able to do many things that i want to do, i hope i dont work a lot and have mucho time for my friends.

love you all

GIFT GIFTS GIFTS

i love my sunglasses, that is all for now. Thank You Thomas

bah da bah duh

now i will post cause i am bored. the guy at wet seal is too stalkerish for words sometimes, even when he says nothing it makes me creeped out. like today when he asked shatora if he should buy me something for the holidays, and i dont even know the kid! But he's cool and semi-cute. I love my car, did i ever say that. Lexi the lexus is now in business. Dan stirling is a cool dude who im talking to right now.(there, does that protect your rep?) okay im done g'night

hey all

this is my post for the evening, heather and lynlyn are here and dan and kyle were here before and we just went for FREE ICE CREAM AT COLDSTONE it was yummy yummy yummy. We are chillin now and we have not much to do but be girls and watch movies and play apples to apples cause it is my lovely game and i love it and i haven't opened it yet but i love it so much cause it's mine and not davids and no one can tell me "no that is not a lovely game of apples to apples motha fucka" i would say "sorry it is my lovely game now shut up"

thank you

: )

CRRRRAAAAAAZZZZY: feel better, I think you are perfect

Happy Birthday Sam

This entry is for Samantha since I love her, and her 18th birthday was yesterday, of which i was not notified, or invited to the partay. Although I am a tad bit mad, I still love her and do not want her to break up with me.

I LOVE YOU SAM!

Nelly Interlude for those of you who are reading

she’s right ya know (uh uh), she's right (ah) Man, she's right ya know (uh uh), she's right (ow!)You stand there looking at me (at me)I stand herre looking at you girl (at you boy)You know exactly what's on my mind (yeah yeah)

It’s just so easy to see (to see)
You came here looking for me (but uh uh)
But I don’t do that type of thing all the time, yeah(You want me to)
Come here boy I got a little something for ya(You got a little bit, can I get a little bit? yeah yeah)And I don’t know (I don't know what it is but I just want to get to know ya, alright alright..yeah yeah)

like whoa

Today i will post, for all of you, for myself, and for the good of mankind. I realized that i used to let all of my thoughts out into this journal, it used to fulfill me, but lately i've been bottling it up and that's not good to my health. I have been cheating you all, i have been in some kind of funky mood, but i have gotten out of, i think. Nothing has been crystal clear to me lately. And i've been neglecting this journal, which i do like writing in actually. I didn't even see that kyle or dan wrote in here, and im happy they did but angry that i haven't been keeping up with this and acknowledging all of my friends in this, I love you ALL. I will, finally, update something for y'all. I've kind of been down lately, because of people, friends, people who shouldn't even get me down, but it doesn't matter to me at all anymore. I just can't be sad right now. I feel weak at times, like i will break, like i will fall down and not get back up, or like i can't go on with things, but you make that all okay.

i've also realized that i do talk too much sometimes, but it's just cause i'm so friendly and comfortable with people, i like talking to people, and there is no one that i hate, i just like people : ) and i'm sorry if i offend people, but it's not intentional.

today was an awesome day, PBCC, heathers which was great, olive garden, home and changed for pathfinder, lyndseys house, pathfinder interview, home and chilled with thomas. i'm glad we are friends. The pathfinder interview went so well, i didn't mess anything up! which is almost impossible cause i choke up a lot, but it happened, my good mood is rubbing off. I am making a promise to myself right now to stay in this good mood, to read many books, do homework, live my life, and finish college apps. Most importantly i want to hang out with everyone, yes, everyone and i'm not gonna question things anymore, just RUN with them heh.

I'm listening to my music, and being merry, wanting to talk to people, but dedicating myself to homework for awhile, im in this trance and i'm going to change my attitude on life. I've found a purpose, and something to motivate me, plus I got my car. This will make me stronger in the end.

"I hate to hate a hater
In fact I hate to hate
Hatein' is hatein' you should never hate congratulate
Look hurr my attitude is just that you may never know my mind
Or know just what Im thinkin' if I don't want you inside" N to the E double L why