My top result for the SelectSmart.com selector, What Teen movie character are you?, is Cheerleader - You're nasty and beaut

My top result for the SelectSmart.com selector, What Teen movie character are you?, is ?????

You Are Cupid

A total romantic, you're always crushing on a new reindeer. Why You're Naughty: You've caused so much drama, all the reindeers aren't speaking to each other. Why You're Nice: You have a knack for playing matchmaker. You even hooked Rudolph up!

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

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I've been getting this eerie feeling about things lately. I don't like it. I want things normal. I want things to be how they used to be. You have no idea how badly i want to go home.

You came just in time, with what i needed...

Okay, I'd just like to write in here and thank someone. I don't even know who or what or even why. I asked for an amazing day, and then i go and get one, or two actually. Thursday morning i woke up and had just a physics lab, and i actually did it myself!!! okay brandon may have helped a little. and then at night i cooked fajitas for sarah and i and we just stayed up talking for hours which was really good. Plus brian and keith dancing for us was quite entertaining. And then today i go and wake up and see the most beautiful day i've ever seen in awhile. I got to wear sandals and a tank top and wear my jewelry and let my hair down. I just felt like it was a new day. A time for something new, and a time for change. I especially melted when matt tibbs told me that i looked really good today in physics. He said it was the first time i dressed up. It was a relaxing day, and then going out with katie lindsey and dave tonight made me laugh a lot. Dave wanting to be Hans, getting in a fight with the movie guy, taking picture bookmarks, it was fun. Plus Harry Potter is always awesome.

So basically. Along with this new weather and new day, a few other things have been happening. I find myself here in gainesville with the 3 best friends (sarah brian and keith) that anyone could ever ask for. Daniel and I are friends again, which feels so amazing, cause i've been waiting for that to happen. I also went to get my mail today, and when i did i recieved a 50$ giftcard to bed bath and beyond to buy stuff because my mommy loves me, and also a card from heather that said "you are a good friend and always stand up for me when I truly need it. I hope you have a wonderful valentines day and an amazing year. Make sure gainesville knows hate crew!"...thank you heather for lifting the shadow that this week and valentines day has cast upon me. I love heather, tracy, lyndsey, and katie...and no matter how far away they are, i think about them everyday.

This is a biggest change, and it made me cry. Many of you probably don't know much about my relationship with my dad. For those of you who do you will understand how much this means to me. Along with this new day, something wonderful happened. My mom put my dad on the phone again today, and instead of having nothing to say he was like "why aren't you coming home this weekend? when mom told me you were coming i got excited and wanted to spend time with you and now i'm sad you aren't coming. i really miss you baby, come home soon." I'm crying now writing that, but the words that my dad said to me today took away every bad or sad feeling i had been having. Thank you dad for making my day.

I also realized that I have grown a lot this year. I try my best not to let little things get to me. I try my hardest to be the best friend that I can be. And this year i have realized more than ever who I really am. I am not who i was in high school. I am better than that. I am more loving right now than i ever have been. I always thought that i needed to find someone to make me whole, but i complete myself...it just took forever to figure that out. Not only am i more independent than ever before, but I like it. And i'm liking gainesville again!

I have no idea how the rest of this year will play out, because life loves little surprises, but I do know that I am going to finish this year, determined to get better grades. I am going to spend the entire summer doing whatever comes my way with my favorite girls in the entire world, I am going to go to new york to visit my aunt, rob, my sister, andreas, joe, mich, and dain. I am going to spend a week with sarah, and maybe meet her in disney and spend time with her family. I'm also going to take better care of my body like i have been this semester. I am me, I am who I want to be, I'm sincere, and I'm more beautiful now than ever before...inside and out.

Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one

So...those days that I was talking about? Thanks. Today was awesome. My life is terribly sad. I am nothing. But at least I had one of those good days, huh?

and it's all downhill from here

I want to have a good day. A really amazing, floating-on-air feeling, day. A day where i don't have worries, i don't have to think, and don't have duties. It seems that for the longest time all that I have seen are bad days, with a few sporadic wonderful days. But none of those amazing ones that i so badly need. I just want ONE of those days, where I can lay down and relax and feel loved and special, and read or watch movies all day, kiss kyle whenever i want, and not have to worry. It seems like I have so many worries these days, and when one is taken care of, another two or three are waiting to be unleashed. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't love my life, my family, and my friends. I don't live my life for myself, I live it in order to make others happy, because that is what makes me happy. And then once in awhile I get this strange feeling that i'm not appreciated, like myself and all of my efforts are invisible. I can't take that feeling. This is why I need an amazing day.

I wouldn't call this feeling depression, i don't know what i would call it...inadequecy? Falling short of everyone's as well as my own expectations? I don't know really. The other day sarah keith brian and i were just hanging out until really late. And I said something about catching brian if he was going to fall off of the bed, and he said "that's why i love you". Now...i did have feelings for brian awhile ago and if he had said that at that point in time, yes, i would have taken that in a different way. But just hearing him say something like that, and him appreciating the stuff that i do for him, made my day just a little bit better.

I guess I need to be a little happier than i allow myself to be, and maybe one day i might just have one of those rediculously amazing days that i'm thinking about.

I wrote another entry earlier, and it was darker and meaner than this one and then i deleted it and wrote it over again, because that is all it really takes. I'm mostly over what was making me angry earlier.

[Catalyst you insist to pull me down
You contradict the fact that you still want me around
And it's all downhill from here
And it's all downhill from here]