whatever.

I want things to be normal again. I want everyone to get along. Don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't like being home...it's that home is weirding me out. I can't comprehend any of my feelings lately, and i'm not sure what the hell i'm thinking most of the time. I don't know what to do. I'm more confused then ever.

I guess I haven't really written anything of substance in here in basically awhile. I've been busy, and i know the rest of you have been too, so i guess it's not like you are missing out.

I'm up in gainesville, and I can't wait until this weekend when Sarah Brian Keith Alyssa and I head over to Ormond Beach. We are leaving thursday night and then staying there until saturday and it's going to be awesome, and a continuation of spring break (just better).

Spring Break is over, and there is nothing to complain about there. Spring Break was relaxing and amazing at the same time. I worked one day which was no big deal. I got to see all the people that I wanted to (Heather/David, Tracy, Lynbo, Katie, Austin, Sara, work people, cardinal newman kids, and also UF people). Dan and Katie both had awesome parties as always. All in all it was a good time.

Now that I look back on this school year i am thankful for everything that has happened. I have only had one boyfriend (surprise surprise). I have learned to be patient, to be more understanding, and to love without regret. I do not regret any of the things that have happened to me so far, however crappy some may be. Yet, I cannot wait until the rest of this year plays out.

Sarah and I have decided that we hate boys, forever. But it's okay folks. As much as i hurt sometimes, the pain only comes out sometimes, and not as often as i have good feelings.

Back in gvilleeeeeeeeeeeeee

Back in gainesville for the remaining 6 weeks of the semester. Gosh it seems like this year went by so quickly. Better live these six weeks up with the loves of my lives, until i get home for three months!!!!!!!

Just to see you smile...i'd do anything

[What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do]

I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel

I've been feeling pretty invisible lately. To mostly everyone. Well maybe just to everyone i'm around everyday. I know that i'm not to lyn and tracy and everyone back home. This doesn't feel good at all. I'm losing more and more of myself everyday, and slipping back into who i used to be. Irritbale, and sad, and going nowhere fast. Going home on thursday for spring break sounds soooooo amazing. I need this bad life to end.

My top result for the SelectSmart.com selector, What Teen movie character are you?, is Cheerleader - You're nasty and beaut

My top result for the SelectSmart.com selector, What Teen movie character are you?, is ?????

You Are Cupid

A total romantic, you're always crushing on a new reindeer. Why You're Naughty: You've caused so much drama, all the reindeers aren't speaking to each other. Why You're Nice: You have a knack for playing matchmaker. You even hooked Rudolph up!

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

blah

I've been getting this eerie feeling about things lately. I don't like it. I want things normal. I want things to be how they used to be. You have no idea how badly i want to go home.

You came just in time, with what i needed...

Okay, I'd just like to write in here and thank someone. I don't even know who or what or even why. I asked for an amazing day, and then i go and get one, or two actually. Thursday morning i woke up and had just a physics lab, and i actually did it myself!!! okay brandon may have helped a little. and then at night i cooked fajitas for sarah and i and we just stayed up talking for hours which was really good. Plus brian and keith dancing for us was quite entertaining. And then today i go and wake up and see the most beautiful day i've ever seen in awhile. I got to wear sandals and a tank top and wear my jewelry and let my hair down. I just felt like it was a new day. A time for something new, and a time for change. I especially melted when matt tibbs told me that i looked really good today in physics. He said it was the first time i dressed up. It was a relaxing day, and then going out with katie lindsey and dave tonight made me laugh a lot. Dave wanting to be Hans, getting in a fight with the movie guy, taking picture bookmarks, it was fun. Plus Harry Potter is always awesome.

So basically. Along with this new weather and new day, a few other things have been happening. I find myself here in gainesville with the 3 best friends (sarah brian and keith) that anyone could ever ask for. Daniel and I are friends again, which feels so amazing, cause i've been waiting for that to happen. I also went to get my mail today, and when i did i recieved a 50$ giftcard to bed bath and beyond to buy stuff because my mommy loves me, and also a card from heather that said "you are a good friend and always stand up for me when I truly need it. I hope you have a wonderful valentines day and an amazing year. Make sure gainesville knows hate crew!"...thank you heather for lifting the shadow that this week and valentines day has cast upon me. I love heather, tracy, lyndsey, and katie...and no matter how far away they are, i think about them everyday.

This is a biggest change, and it made me cry. Many of you probably don't know much about my relationship with my dad. For those of you who do you will understand how much this means to me. Along with this new day, something wonderful happened. My mom put my dad on the phone again today, and instead of having nothing to say he was like "why aren't you coming home this weekend? when mom told me you were coming i got excited and wanted to spend time with you and now i'm sad you aren't coming. i really miss you baby, come home soon." I'm crying now writing that, but the words that my dad said to me today took away every bad or sad feeling i had been having. Thank you dad for making my day.

I also realized that I have grown a lot this year. I try my best not to let little things get to me. I try my hardest to be the best friend that I can be. And this year i have realized more than ever who I really am. I am not who i was in high school. I am better than that. I am more loving right now than i ever have been. I always thought that i needed to find someone to make me whole, but i complete myself...it just took forever to figure that out. Not only am i more independent than ever before, but I like it. And i'm liking gainesville again!

I have no idea how the rest of this year will play out, because life loves little surprises, but I do know that I am going to finish this year, determined to get better grades. I am going to spend the entire summer doing whatever comes my way with my favorite girls in the entire world, I am going to go to new york to visit my aunt, rob, my sister, andreas, joe, mich, and dain. I am going to spend a week with sarah, and maybe meet her in disney and spend time with her family. I'm also going to take better care of my body like i have been this semester. I am me, I am who I want to be, I'm sincere, and I'm more beautiful now than ever before...inside and out.